10 Things I Want to Teach My Sons About Life

I know you've heard this a million times before, but being a parent really is the hardest job in the world. Here you are one day, having to worry about nobody but yourself, and within a few seconds, you're tasked with bringing another human being in this world and are immediately responsible for them and all their physical and emotional needs, day in and day out. You're responsible for their upbringing, teaching them, leading them--your world really does change forever.

Raising Vinny and Jacob--there are so many things that I want to teach them. There's so much that I can teach them, but there's also so much that they'll have to learn on their own. This is NOT by any means my entire list, or even my "top ten." These are just some of the most important things (on the top of my mind) that I want to teach my sons about life.

1. Be careful who you surround yourself with. Influence is one of the most powerful things in this world. Even when you don't feel like you're being influenced, you may be. Be careful who you keep close to you. You don't get to choose everyone who gets to be in your life (like your family), but you do get to choose some people (like your friends). Not everyone will have your best interests at heart. Ask God for the wisdom and clarity to see who belongs in your life and who doesn't, and when you know, protect your heart from those who don't.
2. Not everyone will show you appreciation. There may be many times where you will do great things and never be recognized for it. That's okay. Learn to be humble, and remember there's a greater power that sees everything you do. Do not let yourself become dependent on appreciation from other people. Learn to strengthen your inner voice and know that simply just doing good is enough, even if nobody tells you. Furthermore, not hearing appreciation from someone should not stop you from showing appreciation to those that do right by you. Show yours when you can. People will remember that about you.
3. Always try to bring something to the table. Whether it's "putting food on the table" for your family, or interviewing for a job, or meeting with a friend...bring value. If you have a family, take care of them. Not just your kids, but your wife as well. Make sure their physical and emotional needs are met, just like how you were raised as a kid. If you're interviewing for a job, know what makes you stand out and learn how to communicate that. If you're meeting with someone--your manager, an old friend, a new friend, a business partner, your girlfriend's parents--be there, be on time, and be present. Learn how to hold a good conversation. Learn a few good jokes. Share a good idea, or your opinions on something. You have so much personality and drive already (yes, I can see it in my 1 and 4 year olds!), don't hide it.
4. Just because you can doesn't mean you should. There's a lot of things that you will be able to do. Don't do them all. PLEASE don't do them all!! You're going to be curious, but remember--sometimes your "need to know" is really a "WANT to know." I'm all for letting you explore--be a kid, be a teenager, be a young adult in college. Go do your thing...but know your limits and boundaries and know when and what you shouldn't do. This goes for the way you treat people as well. You may end up being a really wealthy and powerful CEO one day! It doesn't matter how high on the totem pole you end up at. Never abuse your power. Always treat people with respect, and you will be respected. And at the end of the day, just do what's right. Trust me, you'll sleep better at night.
5. Perception is reality. People don't always receive your message in the way that you thought you were communicating it. Your intentions may be good, but your messaging may not make them look that way. Always, always, always remember that not everyone thinks the same as you. Learn people. Especially the ones that you want to keep close to you. Learn what makes them happy and what makes them tick. Learn how they understand things. Keep in mind that their perception of what you said IS their reality. That way, you'll know how to communicate with them clearly and effectively.
6. Be good to others, but also be good to yourself. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Be nice, be helpful, be humble. But also be tough. Don't let anyone take advantage of you and your niceness. Sometimes the people who hurt you most are the closest ones to you. I can only hope and pray you'll be able to see through all the bad people in your life, but unfortunately, that's something you'll have to learn on your own. You may have to get burned a few times before you can see the truth about some people. And that's okay. Learn from those situations, and learn to let those kind of people go. And more importantly, learn to defend yourself. There are ways to tell people how they have done you wrong. With some, hearing it from someone important to them may actually help them change and make your relationship with them even more valuable. Do what you can.
7. Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better. One of my all time favorite quotes from Maya Angelou. This one explains itself. 
8. Only focus on what you can control. My good friend Kim taught me this and it's dramatically changed the way I've thought about and reacted to things. You can't change a person or situation. You can influence them and share your opinions, but you ultimately cannot change anyone. Don't let it stress you out. Sometimes, when you really care about someone, you're going to do all you can to make it work. At least I hope you do. But when that person isn't willing to change themselves or their situation, don't carry their burdens for them. ONLY think about the things you can do to make things better and do just that. In any kind of relationship--whether it's love or friendship--it takes two to make it work. Do your part, and allow them to do theirs. That may require some patience. Which brings me to my next point...
9. Be patient. Your dreams and desires won't come knocking on your front door. You'll have to work very hard for them. And let's say you live in some perfect world and they actually do come knocking on your front door...you'll likely have to work very hard to maintain them. Nothing in life comes easy. And honestly, good things feel better when they're earned anyway. Learn patience. But don't slack off. Keep at it, stay with good people, and you'll eventually get to where you want to be.
10. Don't focus on finding the right woman. Focus on being a good man...and the right woman will be easy to find or will even find you! Love and relationships are likely going to be a big part of your life. We humans like that stuff. I'm a firm believer that there's a somebody for everybody. Live your life with strong values, do good in school, be good to people, fulfill your dreams, stay close to your family, stay close to God...and when the right woman comes your way, you'll know. And your mommy will know too. ;)

 XOXO,