(Even More) Tips to Get Motivated to Workout

The struggle. Is. REAL!!!! I cannot for the life of me get myself up to workout these days. I guess along with sweater weather comes sweater WEIGHT!! ;p But it makes sense to lose motivation right? I mean, it's cold out and the crave for coziness is in...there will be no warm weather for a while and therefore no showing of skin. Loose, oversized sweaters and ginormous scarves are everywhere, and the couch has turned into your most favorite place on earth because, Hello?! Fall TV!! Now someone please hand me my fuzzy socks and pumpkin spice latte while I continue to validate my laziness...

(Just kidding. For the record, I never had a PSL.)

But truthfully speaking, this is a difficult time for me to stay motivated. Therefore, I thought I'd write this post to help me and anyone else out there that's finding it hard to hit the gym these days!

I came across this article and pulled out a few of the tips that I like and know work for me, and also created some of my own. Enjoy!

1. Hold yourself to other commitments in your life. I find that whenever I find myself slacking, it helps to take a break from that one thing I'm trying to achieve and turn my attention to another part of my life that needs it, such as organizing a part of my house, paying off debt, checking something else off my to-do list...doing this reminds me that I'm capable of keeping a promise/commitment and therefore motivates me to continue pursuing other things I've committed to.
2. DONUT...oops, I mean do not...bring those donuts home. They say out of sight, out of mind, right? Leave those fatty snacks at the grocery store and only bring home what's going to help you in your weight loss journey. Or, if you must, limit how much you buy (for instance buy 5 individually wrapped snacks to last you through the work week.) This way, going out for a Gotta Have It cup of Coldstone ice cream will feel more like a treat. I find that this works best in the winter, because at times when I'm really craving something that I don't have in the house, I end up telling myself it's too cold to go out to get it. :p
3. Compete. I've participated and took lead on coordinating the Biggest Loser competition at my work for two years now. I'm not one to get ridiculously motivated by competition, but because I spearheaded the whole thing and because I was simply participating, I felt the need to show up!! I knew that I wasn't going to be first (others had more weight to lose and therefore had a greater advantage), but I sure as hell didn't want to be last! So I did what I had to do and in the meantime, reached some of my personal fitness goals.
4. Dress up. I know this may sound weird...but this is one thing that really works for me! I first noticed it works when I was packing for my trip to Hawaii about a month before my actual trip. Lol! What can I say? I was excited... But I'm glad I did it because it got me to try on everything I wanted to wear and I saw how it looked on me before I had to go out in public in it. When I didn't like how it fit, I was left with two options--ditch the outfit or make my body fit in it better. It also allowed me to recall how certain clothes used to fit. I'm packing for a cruise right now, and I can tell you...there are some items from my Hawaii trip that do not fit like they did just a few months ago!! And unfortunately, since it's winter, I can't just go out and buy new shorts/tanks/t-shirts, because the stores aren't selling them! Which brings me to my only option: Get your ass in shape, Jessica.
5. If you did it once, you can do it again. I learned to tell myself this early in my childhood. My father is an artist and I used to try to draw as well as he did--for some reason I was convinced that he passed down that trait and I had to learn it in some way. Well let's just say there were many mistakes and "abstract" pieces, and there were some masterpieces that came about while I "practiced." I hated that I would finally get it right after a million tries, but it was on my practice paper and not my actual "canvas." Lol...so I started telling myself, if I did it once, I can do it again. And nowadays, I apply that mindset to other aspects of my life, including fitness. I once was at my ideal size/shape/health...and I can get there again.
6. Set fitness goals, not just number goals. "Losing weight" is associated with fitness, but it doesn't encompass all that "fitness" is. Instead of only focusing on what the scale is saying after two weeks, two months, 1 year, etc...set goals for your entire fitness journey, such as: Running a longer distance, eating a fruit everyday, packing a healthy lunch everyday for a month, increasing your water intake each day, increasing your speed, running (without stopping) for a certain amount of time. These little accomplishments all tie in to your overall goal, and celebrating each of them will ultimately keep you motivated and keep you moving in the long run.

As always, good luck on your own individual journeys! Please wish me luck on mine. I'm thinking this all-inclusive-cruise idea is not going to agree with my fitness regimen. Should I really be complaining though? Lol! Until next time,

6 Ways to Avoid Burnout

 

Sometime last week, the thought of writing this blog post came to me--probably in the midst of running my kids back and forth between school and daycares, going to work, and running around Baltimore for work events. It's certainly very very challenging to be a full time mother, housekeeper, worker, and friend all at once. I constantly struggle with the balance of my time--between work, my social life, my love life, my career, (this blog!), and being there for my kids. With "so much to do and so little time," it can be easy to get burnt out. And since this blog is partly about balance, I was inspired to write this post for you!

B A L A N C E . . . it's something I have committed to working on every. single. day. It's taken a lot of time and a lot of effort to try to achieve a "well balanced life," and while I am still on my journey to finding it, here are some things I've learned:

1.  Time management is everything! I've learned to value my time more. At home, there are a million things I could be doing, and choosing wisely is key!! Prioritize, prioritize, prioritize! Trust me, I hate coming home to "more work" as much as the next kid, but the truth is--the dishes have to be done and the clothes have to get washed. And unless you can afford to have it done for you, you have to do them yourself, Superwoman. But during the week when I come home, I don't want to spend the only 2-3 hours I have each night with the kids doing housework. So I started looking at my time, rather than looking at the tasks. Instead of going down my list of chores, I give myself a time limit to do them. My week-night schedule is now limited to 45 minutes of chores TOPS when I get home. I've acknowledged that not everything will get done in one day, and I've learned to be okay with that. Whatever I can get done in that time will get done, and what is not done can wait until the next day. This has forced me to prioritize my chore list better, and do them a hell of a lot faster too! But the biggest benefit is that it ensures time with my family and for myself every night. This may not work for everyone (some people can't go to sleep with a messy kitchen--I get it!), but it works for me! I used to not be able to sleep until the job was done. I got over that quickly once I realized how much time I was missing with my family. That was more important to me...which brings me to my next point...
2. Think about what you really want and need. Is what you're doing really worth your time? Are the people you make time for really worth your time and energy? Or are there more important things you'd rather be doing? This speaks to your career aspirations as well. If you get that job you've been dreaming of, will you have to make any large trade offs for it? And will those trade offs affect anyone else that's important to you? My time is very valuable to me. And as I make my decisions day by day, this is one that I put a lot of thought into. I am your number one people-pleaser, and what I needed to learn was that if you try to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one. I had to figure out what was most important to me and determine if my trade offs were worth it or not.
3. EAT. Seriously. Eat. Have you ever had something big that you were working on and you spent so much time working on it and focused on it, you go a whole day without eating anything? It's like the moment you get busy, adrenaline rushes in and you forget all feelings of tiredness, pain, and hunger! Make time to eat...and eat well! I just recently switched my diet to being...well lets say 80% of my diet...all organic foods. (Hey, all about the balance, right?!!) Not only have I lost 5lbs in two weeks, I find myself more focused, more efficient, and constantly eating!! That is...constantly eating throughout the day to keep my metabolism going. Workout too. Even if you walk at least 30 minutes a day, every little bit helps. Taking care of yourself physically will definitely help you mentally as well. Keeping a well balanced diet and exercise routine, I stay energized and it forces me to do the next thing:
4. Take a break! Walk awaaaayyy--just walk awayyyyy! :p But really. Walk away from your desk if you need to. Has anyone ever told you to "take a chill pill"? It's because you really need one. 1) No one wants to be around a grouch, and 2) You won't be able to do anything to its full potential if you don't take a break! Are you a stay at home? Call someone and have an adult conversation at some point during your day while you're at home with the kids. Nap. Read. Watch a show or a movie. It's important for your mind to rest. I was told once before--we are not superheroes (as cool as it would be to my kids if I was one, I am not.), and we need to learn how to take the cape off.
5. Prepare. Staying prepared saves you from so much stress! I learned the hard way. HELLO. I am your number one procrastinator!! I used to have a magnet on my fridge that said, "I'll procrastinate later." :p Yup, that was me. Until I had kids. And until I was put into a role at work where I couldn't be! Life was teaching me a good life lesson. What takes you 5 minutes to do the night before will save you 10 minutes in the morning! Getting things ready while your mind is active is much more efficient that trying to get things ready while you're just waking up and probably rushing.
6. Last but not least, turn it off. I attended a woman's conference this past week and one of the speakers talked about how we now live in a 24/7 society. She mentioned in the past how TV stations used to turn off at a certain time at night so that people could sleep. Nowadays, you not only have the option of watching TV all night, but you can get on social media, play games, text/chat with people...all from the palm of your hands, and at anytime, 24/7. While it's good to stay connected, it's also good to disconnect. After Thanksgiving, I plan on "fasting" and getting off of social media until Christmas. As much as I'm nervously anticipating it, I'm also looking forward to it! See ya'll lataahhzzz ;) (jk...I will most likely still post on here.)

All in all, these are just some things to keep in mind while we try so tirelessly to save the world. I think it's important for everyone to find their own ways--as I said before, what works for me may not work for the next person. But the key is to make the time to not lose your mind! Do what makes you happy, fulfill your purpose, and do it with passion, and you will always feel blessed. :)

Until next time,

What Went Right?

As I was driving to work one morning, I was listening to the radio--Christian rock, for my positive vibes in the morning--and they mentioned a thought that really resonated with me. She said, "Everything could always be better." They went on to discuss how and when that thought comes into our minds, and it's normally when something goes wrong that we end up telling ourselves, "It could be better." But what if we told ourselves that all the time--even when things go right?

The reality is this: When something goes wrong, we accept that it happened and that we can't go back to change it. Then we analyze how it went wrong and what can be done in the future so it doesn't happen again. But when something goes right...typically, we pat ourselves on the back and don't think twice about it.

The idea they were sharing is this: When something goes right, analyze why it went right and what can be done in the future so it can happen that great again or even better.

In my world, I don't do that often enough...but it makes so much sense! I spend SO MUCH TIME focusing and analyzing what goes WRONG in my life, and spend SO MUCH ENERGY trying to fix it, and I spend so little time on what goes right. And I wonder why I'm so stressed out sometimes.

There will be many times in your life that something doesn't go your way. It may rain on your wedding day, your client meeting may not have gone as well as you planned, you may bomb a job interview, you may flunk a final test, you may not get into the top college on your list, you may lose a friend, your relationship may end, your marriage may be failing...life tests us too many times, in too many ways. And although I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, I also believe we all have a part to play in our journeys. And don't get me wrong--it is important to look back at the things that have gone wrong and look at how to better the situation going forward. The thought here isn't to stop that, it's to apply it to the good situations in our lives too. My team at work "debriefs" after large meetings to address what went wrong and what went right, and the information that comes out of it is always so helpful. I admit, it hurts when you have to accept that you can't go back and fix things (especially when it could've been so easy of a fix!), but now, that one easy fix becomes top-of-mind for next time, and your meetings after that will get closer and closer to flawlessness. (Cue Beyoncé.)

Relationships and marriages are the tough ones. You know that "new" feeling at the beginning of a relationship? That fun little honeymoon stage? That fun little temporary honeymoon stage? How great it was, right? If you took a minute today to look back at how and why you and your significant other started, what do you remember? Really focus on it. Block out the thoughts of "well it was great, we used to do this and that, and feel this way...but this led to that, then that happened, and it was because he/she was like this to begin with in the first place, and now it's all gone down the drain." Yeah don't do that. Think about how you used to show your love. What made it all work? What did you do to make it all work? Why were you such a great pair for each other in the first place? Too often, we wait until things go wrong in our relationships to start asking ourselves these questions. If we keep these thoughts at the top of our minds all throughout, and work to figure out and remember how our relationships work, we eliminate the guessing game if it breaks. You can't fix a car if you don't know how an engine works. If we never look at why something went so right, when it breaks, we don't know how to fix it because we never knew how it worked in the first place.

I just wanted to share this thought with you. It was a great piece of advice that I was fortunate to hear at the right time. Be blessed and happy Friday!!

That Moment I Lived the HI Life

A few weeks ago, I took a trip to Hawaii to visit my best friend. I took the trip alone, which seemed crazy to me, but I couldn't take the kids with me for a few reasons, and I needed some R&R anyway. And what better place to do it than the beautiful Aloha State? ;)

As most people that visit Hawaii say, it is be-a-u-tiful, and for me, it was more than I imagined it to be. I spent one week there, and it was not long enough! There was too much to see, too much to do, too much to EAT. I left really wishing that I had time to do more, but all in all it was a great trip. I mean--I can't complain too much...after all, I got to go to Hawaii!

Being with my bestie satisfied some much needed girl time (that I didn't even realize I needed!). Ever got caught up in life so much you don't even have the time to realize that you need a break?? That was me. Not that I'm complaining, I love my life and I love to stay active and busy...but what a relief it was to slow down and take time for myself! I spent a week on an island with a new culture, knowing only ONE person on that entire island, driving along long windy roads along the coast (traffic sucked, but it is what it is), eating new food, meeting really nice people, and experiencing picture perfect views EVERYWHERE! And the cutest little island babies! The kids were just too adorable. (And now I really want to teach my kids how to surf.)

But what this trip really opened my eyes to is how to fully live in and accept every moment--each moment--one at a time. I realized that no matter how good or bad a moment is, they are all temporary. They don't last. And you can ruin a great moment by putting all your effort into trying to make it last, or putting all your thoughts towards how you're going to cope when that moment ends. Stopping that habit was the best thing I've done for myself, and it was a great life lesson. The truth of the matter is, I need to learn how to best experience things. Not think ahead or look behind, just take it for what it is and let it be just that. Here's an excerpt from an article a friend shared with me. This for me, sums it all up:

Enjoy now fully. No matter how much time you have in an experience or with someone you love, it will never feel like enough. So don’t think about it in terms of quantity—aim for quality, instead. Attach to the idea of living well moment-to-moment. That’s an attachment that can do you no harm.

Quality over quantity--why didn't I think of that before?! It makes so much sense now. I put so much effort into creating moments; rather than making them last, I need to make the most out of them. So that's what I did for the rest of my trip. Enjoy my collection of moments below. ;)

1. Amazing sunsets.

 

2. Amazing views!

3. Local food to feed the foodie in me! I have to admit--I didn't take a picture of each plate like I wanted to. I didn't wanna be "that girl"! Lol! (Regretting it now.)

4. Catamaran with new friends. Blue water. Just...really blue water.

 



5. Experiencing nature at its finest. Double rainbows, lava tubes, and exotic beaches

We walked through this...

To get to this!

Mermaid Cove

Green Sand Beach.
This was a sight to see, as there are only two in the world! The sand is a green/olive color, and it got its color from olivine crystals created from a volcano eruption many years ago.

6. Driving new cars! ;) --and off-roading. Forreal. We had some bumpy rides on the Big Island. But it made for a better experience! Let's just say, you can't make it to Green Sand Beach, or a lot of other nice places on Big Island without a 4WD.

  


7. Cliff jumping! I am afraid of heights, but I managed to do this. This was a big accomplishment for me! Although, I'm not as ballsy as the chick in the bottom pic. Props to her but I'm not on that level yet! :p

Spitting Caves

Of course there are many more pictures, but I thought I'd share the most memorable ones with you. Plus, I tried to stop myself from going too snap-crazy everywhere I went since I was trying to enjoy the moment and all. ;)

Wait...one more...this is just fitting for this post. :) Aloha!

My Fitness Journey...Just Got A Little Bit Dirty...

Who doesn't love a little mud bath?!

Recently I participated in the LoziLu Mud Run in Frederick, MD. My knees will never forgive me for it, but I had a blast! This was an obstacle course 5k, so in addition to running, we also had to climb 8-12' walls, nets, jump through hurdle loops and crawl through mud. I will say that I completely underestimated the difficulty of this 5k! The climbing, the jumping, the crawling on mud-covered ROCKS...oh and did I mention it was raining too?! And on top of all of that we still had to run 5k. And I am still not a runner. Lol but I'm proud to say I did it, and I'm proud to say we weren't last. In fact we were first-ish. :p

Anyway, I've learned that committing to something like this does help you stick with it. Especially when you commit along with people who are much faster than you, much more athletic, and much more...committed. Lol...all in all, it was a great run and especially a great workout. Oh and meanwhile my 5-year-old is wondering why I can jump and crawl through mud and he can't. Haha! Ummmm...because Mommy says so!


Here are more pictures from the run:

Oh yeahhh, baby.

Finish Line Fine. ;)

My Fitness Journey & Tips to Stay Motivated

It has been a great year for getting in shape! I have so much to motivate me and keep me going. The main thing--apart from being a very healthy me--is my trip to Hawaii this summer! It's my first time going there, and to my understanding, I will spend a lot of my time half-naked, soo...I need to look good half-naked.

Anyway, I put a lot of focus into cardio nowadays. From my experience, it's the best way (for me at least) to lose fat. That and eating right. I've spent the last 2-3 years on Weight Watchers, and it's taught me how to be mindful of portion size and calorie intake. And it works! It's now pretty much second nature to me so I'm fine doing it on my own. Toning is still a big part of my workouts as well, but my main priority is to lose fat in order to show the muscle. ;)

I can honestly say that the most challenging part of working out is remaining motivated to work out. I'm sure I'm not alone on that one! And what I've really gained out of all this is the mindset to keep pushing. I believe it when they say you work your mentality more than you work your body! Here are some things that have really helped me along the way:

• Work out in a public area. I purposely do not work out at home anymore. I have some equipment and videos, and could very well have a good workout at home, but here's my problem: I see Shawn T. (for those that don't know, he's the guy from the "Insanity" videos), and I see my couch. And the couch looks muuuuch more appealing. Lol! I know a lot of people that do great working out at home, but my house is too much of a distraction for me so it helps when I'm out and about. Plus, if I run around my neighborhood instead of running on a treadmill, the only way to get home is to run/walk back, so it motivates me to keep going!
• Workout with other people. Finding good, equally-motivated-if-not-more, people to work out with was THE BEST thing I could've done. I cannot workout by myself. I'll quit too soon. (Yeah--I'm working on that. Another mentality challenge.) I'm so lucky to have people to workout with, run with, to coach me...Sometimes it takes someone else telling you what to do to keep you moving. It also helps if those same people partake in the same healthy eating habits as you do. (Yes, I'm talking about you, Kristy. Weight Watchers Queen.)
• Commit to doing something you never done before. I donated $50 to participate in the Mud Run. Oh, trust me, I was gonna get my monies worth! The no-turning-back-now mentality will click in and you'll be working out/training like never before!
• Make other small commitments to improve your health or appearance. Working out and eating right aren't the only ways to look and feel beautiful. Studies show that taking care of your overall appearance will boost your mood and can serve as easy self-motivation. For instance, when I started taking better care of my skin, even wearing makeup a little bit more, or dressing up a little bit more, I felt more of the need to take care of the whole package! That motivated me to not just look great in clothes, but also in my own skin, which led to more efficient workouts and more conscious eating habits.

I'm proud to say that my focus on cardio is really paying off. My cholesterol is back to normal. My blood pressure is back to normal. I've participated in two 5k's since May--something I NEVER thought I would ever do! (Always been a sprinter, never a distance runner.) I feel better, look better, and the scale is loving me a little bit more. ;)

More posts on my workouts and meals to come! Until then...off to the gym.

How to Become Beautiful

Let me guess what you’re thinking…"Conceited much?…" It’s okay, you can be honest. :) But this post isn’t about me talking about myself—I’m not about to go publish my own rendition of “Selfish.” ;) But I will talk a little bit about why everyone should become beautiful and how to do it.

This past weekend, I was privileged enough to attend an inspiring and empowering brunch for women. It was called the “I AM ME Brunch,” and it was hosted by a young female entrepreneur, Kristin “Krissy” Sutton, who aspires to combine her love for fashion with her expertise in the mental health profession, and ultimately reinvent Retail Therapy. The event brought women of all ages and backgrounds together to network with each other, become inspired, learn more about Krissy, her efforts and her brand…and eat. (Had to throw that in there. Food was bomb.) But the highlight of the event was the guest speaker—Christy Jones—a certified relationship and life coach. And that day, she decided to talk to us about being beautiful.

The unfortunate truth is only 2% of all women believe that they’re beautiful. Most women do not, and often want to change something about themselves. 2%!!!! I sat there, eyes wide, and listened her talk about that statistic, then I thought, sure, I think I’m beautiful, but there are definitely some things I want to change about myself.

She talked about life. She talked about love. Then she brought up something that really got me thinking. She asked us when did life break our hearts?

Kind of a loaded question right? When we think about heartbreak we think of relationships. Crying over old flames. But she was aiming to get something out of us that was much deeper than surface pain. What was the real reason we are hurt? Why do we keep our guard up in certain situations? Or with certain people? What is the real reason for why we don’t believe in ourselves?

For example, her answer was her weight. She was told at a very young age that she was not skinny. Nobody directly said “you’re fat” and they didn’t say anything in a mean way, but it was enough for her to create a lie in her head: Because she wasn’t skinny, she wasn’t beautiful.

Throughout her life, she struggled with her weight, and exhausted every effort to slim down in order to feel beautiful. She explained how her vision was tainted because everything she did was now evaluated through this “filter” that was created because of this lie. In other words, she would always look for evidence to support the lie: “I didn’t get that job because I was fat. He didn’t like me because he thinks I’m fat. I can’t ever do this or do that because of my weight.”

The idea that was coming to my mind was this: We as humans are relationship-oriented people. We look for relationships with other people and among things. When we make decisions, we want them to be justified. So when something happens to us that is out of our control, we automatically try to find ways to justify why it happened—even if that reason is a complete lie. And often it stems from a past experience that has affected us in a negative way, whether we realize it or not. Here’s how she summed it up:

• We are born with a heart of truth
• Then life breaks our heart
• Disappointment sets in
• A lie is sown
• We look for evidence to support the lie

We need to stop that. So she then went into how to leave the life of pain:

1. Confront the pain. Deliberately stand against it and decide to no longer let it affect you.
2. Uncover the lie. Go deep into your subconscious and find out what is the root of your pain. What keeps talking you out of your confidence and telling you that you don’t deserve success and happiness?
3. Heal your heart. Give yourself time to heal and focus on living a life without that lie in it.
4. Identify your value and self-worth. Learn what makes you beautiful and remind yourself of it.
5. Say yes to yourself. Let go of the negativity. Instead of succumbing to reasons why you can’t, create reasons for why you can.

Krissy’s brand, KayKode, was created around the thought that we literally wear our emotions on our sleeves. She takes into the account the proven fact that what you wear affects your mood, and strives to create pieces that boost confidence and promote healthy living. In her career, she has provided therapeutic services to patients with various mental illnesses, and she hopes to use those same skills to provide clients with personal consultations and create wearable pieces—Retail Therapy. Her “Kode of Ethics” are well-being, strength, empathy, growth, authenticity, and advocacy. It became very clear to me that her overall theme here is to help women see, feel (and wear!) their beauty—help them to become beautiful.

Furthermore, when I say "beautiful" I'm referring to more than just appearances. Become a beautiful mind, a beautiful artist, a beautiful friend, a more beautiful person. The key is to build your confidence to feel like a more beautiful you.

At the end of the day, the answer is very simple. To become beautiful, you have to tell yourself that you are beautiful. There is no one else on this Earth that can convince you except yourself. Believe it. Own it. Wear it. Werk it. ;p You are you, and I Am Me, and we are truly beautiful.

Event Planner, Shamese Campbell, of Concepts with Character (Instagram: @cwc_eventdesign) & Krissy of KayKode (Instagram: @kaykode_)

KayKode
www.KayKode.com

Event Design

Concepts with Character

www.cwceventdesign.com

Guest Speaker

Christy Little Jones
Certified Relationship and Life Coach

Twitter: @ChristyInspires

Tips for Developing Your Career

A little while ago, my boss attended a women's conference and noted a few career tips, which she shared with me and a few of my female colleagues. Being a young female, a mother, and still being early in my career, I found her tips really inspiring and thought I'd share them with you all. I've also done some research and brainstorming on my own and added a few tips that I also find very helpful. I think these tips can empower anyone--male or female.

1. Be confident. It's okay to not be 100% ready for the role, but do not let what you don't know outshine all that you do know. Stop making statements that sound like they end with a question mark. (I do that all the time!!) People are drawn to those with confidence. Make your executive presence known.

2. Don't feel 120% qualified for the new opportunity. It's common for women to feel that they have to be more than qualified for the role before they take it on. Learn to be comfortable with failure and take chances. In addition to this, I think it's important to own your mistakes, correct them if you can, learn from them, and do better the next time around.

3. Communicate effectively. Be a good listener, don't interrupt or talk over someone else. Be comfortable asking for what you want and lose the qualifiers, such as, "this might be a dumb question but..." "I know I don't have much experience here but..." "I'm not sure if I should raise this up or not but..."

4. Be comfortable with confrontation. This echoes communicating effectively. I find that it's especially difficult to learn to be confrontational in an effective way. Meaning, how do I say what needs to be said in a way that will be received the way it needs to be received? You may need to confront your employee (as a manager), your coworker, your manager, a committee, etc. There's a really good article on how to be comfortable with confrontation below. I love how it suggests that you have a solution planned. If you're going to bring an issue to the table, bring a possible solution as well. You'll be more convincing if you do the pre-work beforehand instead of relying on the other person to figure out a solution completely on their own. I've learned this the hard way. I once brought an issue to the table with no solution and the first thing to come out of my manager's mouth was, "So what do you suggest?" And I had nothing to offer. Ugh--I don't ever want to experience that feeling again! It was then that I realized: You will certainly get a pat on your back by expressing your concerns for the business, but you will add value by offering a solution to the problems you are noticing. See the article here: http://www.levo.com/articles/career-advice/get-ready-to-battle-how-to-be-comfortable-with-confrontation

5. Market yourself. Find tactful ways to credit your accomplishments. Create visibility for yourself--for example, show up in person for the meeting (if you can) rather than calling in. Furthermore, be an active participant--come prepared with thoughts, questions, and ideas. Also, brand yourself. Here's an article on branding yourself and defining what makes you different: http://www.levo.com/articles/careerexpert/how-to-build-personal-brand

6. Gain sales experience. Learn how to influence and persuade. True sales roles will help you develop this skill. Once you've learned it and mastered it, it'll be a good tool to help you market yourself!

7. Know your strengths and invest in them. Know what you're good at and where you can improve and never stop learning.  There are always opportunity to better yourself and master your craft. Invest in your skills.

8. Don't get caught up with titles. I'll be first to admit, this is hard to do! A title to me is almost like a first impression (on your resume, that is). I used to be scared that people will discount my abilities based on the job titles of my previous positions. Then I realized, there's more that I could put on paper than I give myself credit for. What I've learned to do is be the best in whatever role I choose to take on. The article that I got this tip from stated, "Be the editor-in-chief in your own role, in how hard you work, how professional you act, and how well you dress, and you will advance organically." Site: http://www.whowhatwear.com/career-job-advice-tips-how-to-succeed-work-2014

9. Think outside your job description. Finding ways to help your company do better, even if it's not part of your role, will  get you noticed. Your initiative will attract more responsibility, which will lead to trust, and eventually a more important role. Site: http://www.whowhatwear.com/career-job-advice-tips-how-to-succeed-work-2014

10. Understand the value of teamwork. And always recognize the contributions of others. I'm a big advocate of giving credit where it's due. I'm sure you'd want the same done to you.

11. Don't pigeonhole yourself. I love this tip. I had a conversation with the big boss the other day, and we were talking about how so many people (especially in my generation) look for--yearn for--a "career pipeline." This article reminds us that "few career paths are straight." There may not always be a path laid out for you that blatantly states: you will start here, then move to this position, then that, then the next, then the last in which you will stay at until you retire. I say build your own pipeline. Figure out what skills you need to develop to promote yourself, then find a position that will give you those skills. Even if your pipeline turns out to be in the form of a roller coaster, if you are constantly developing yourself, you will obtain what you need to get you where you want to go. Always be open to new opportunities even if they're not directly above the position that you're in.

Site: http://www.whowhatwear.com/career-job-advice-tips-how-to-succeed-work-2014

I am always actively developing myself and my career, and these tips really inspire and motivate me as I do. Do you all have career advice you'd like to share?  What's helped you along the way? I'd love to hear your tips, advice, and stories in the comments below!

The Importance of Strengthening Your Inner Voice

Current State: In the comfort of my own home, in my bathroom, enjoying a steaming hot bubble bath while I hear the kids running around like mad men playing with their dad. I think I just heard something break. Yup. Closing the door and turning on Adele now.

I'm laying here feeling like Rev Run at the end of an episode of Run's House (where he types up a motivational diary/journal entry from his bath tub--for those that didn't know). And I can't help but reflect. So many things are running through my mind right now. It's been years since I've allowed myself to unwind. Can you believe that?

Anyway, I feel like rambling off some thoughts so here it goes.

Thinking back on the early early early years of my life, I can't believe who I was. I was a pushover. I was bullied. Yes--punched and kicked on the playground every. Single. Day. By, apparently, two boys that "liked" me and thought that was a good way to show me some attention. The worst part was that I let it happen. I had no voice when it came to my opinions, my friends, not even a voice to stand up for myself!! You'd think that someone beating it out of me would do the trick. Nope. I was the only child and I felt completely lost and alone. There was no way that I would've ever spoken up for myself. I let other people be right ALL THE TIME, even if I knew I was right. I remember feeling so bad for the "nerdy" ones in my class because they were always picked on, laughed at, and no one ever wanted to play with them. I so badly wanted to be their advocate, but I wasn't. I prayed to God that they would end up somewhere AMAZING doing AMAZING things. I just wanted them to be bigger and better and not end up lonely and depressed. And yet I said nothing. I didn't feel like I had anything valuable to say. I didn't think I could help them. And today I can say, it is the worst feeling in the world to feel like you don't have a voice.

That attitude translated into my friendships, group work, and so on and so forth, and it lasted all the way through my sophomore year of high school.

Then one day, someone had faith in me. A few people did, actually. And they told me they thought I should command my drill team my senior year of high school.

WHAT. No. There was nooo way. You want the girl that can't step up to anyone to lead an award-winning, highly respected, AFJROTC drill team?? And be loud and mean and aggressive? Pshhhyeah right.

That was my original answer. It turned out by the time I was 16, I had talked myself into believing that I was not important, not worthy of anything, invaluable, and incapable of doing anything more than my daily routine. After giving it some thought, I said yes, and it changed my life completely.

Stepping into a leadership position that young put me way out of my comfort zone. I felt SO vulnerable and SO exposed. I had to make decisions, lead a team full of my friends--friends that were used to me being passive and saying "yes" all the time. I had to change to gain respect, which is the only way I would succeed. It was the hardest but most liberating thing I've ever experienced.

So I started by changing my thoughts and working on my inner voice. I was tasked with having to teach, keep order, motivate, help, advocate, recruit, and all in all move this team forward (btw, drill team was huge in my high school). Therefore I had to speak to myself. So here's what I had to ask/tell myself:

1. What's there to lose?

2. Who cares what other people think?

3. What's the worst that could happen?

4. People believe in you, now you have to believe in yourself.

5. People are depending on you, so unless you get over your pride, you will continue to hold yourself back and you will fail.

That last one hit me hard. I realized I could turn this into something really good or just take the easy way out and fall flat on my face. Then it came down to execution--ain't nothin to it but to do it. So I did. And at times I felt like a FOOL. But I got over my pride and it started to feel good. I was actually motivating people. I received a standing ovation from a class of new recruits because of my "speech". People started asking me to "say a few words" at various events. The girl that couldn't speak a word about anything became the girl that everyone wanted to listen to, and all it took was a little discomfort and vulnerability to bring out my inner strength. Isn't that amazing--how letting go of your pride can actually HELP your confidence? 

It was at that time that I learned how strong my voice really was. I learned that  I could use it to help people, and to speak life into people. I started giving myself credit for good ideas that came to mind. It boosted my confidence and allowed me to trust myself--I trusted that my ideas were good, I really was intelligent, and I really did have a choice.

If anyone that's reading this feels the same way, or feels similar, I challenge you to try something different tomorrow. Put yourself outside of your comfort zone. Facilitate a meeting. Confront an opposing opinion. Act on an idea that you've been holding back because of your fear of failing or feeling like it's not good enough. Be an advocate for someone. Share your thoughts on something. Share your thoughts on this blog post! :) But before you speak to anyone, speak to yourself. Remind yourself that you are able and important and valuable in so many ways. Your inner voice is your strongest voice, and before you can convince anyone, you have to convince yourself first. I now believe that you really don't know yourself until you are put in a position to find yourself. What happens to a tea bag when put in hot water? All of its flavors come out. Allow yourself to grow and I promise you, you will.

Speaking of hot water, this bath is starting to feel like a sauna now. :p

Have a good night and as always, thanks for reading. 

Life Lately with the Little Ones

It has been a busy few weeks in my household! Vinny is learning how to read (more than just his sight words!), he's starting baseball, he's learning addition and subtraction, and he's preparing for graduation in the summer and kindergarten in the fall! Jakey is talking more. A LOT more. He's always been chatty, but he's trying to say more words now. One of the things he's gotten better at is saying his prayers. He says, "God bless Mommy, Daddy, Kuya (Big brother), and me! Amen!" I melt.

Meanwhile, I'm working on Easter crafts for the kids, baskets/gifts, baby showers and dinner parties, and Vinny's 5th birthday party!! It's gonna be a busy (and expensive) next few months. But planning is what I love, so hopefully it'll all pay off! Oh. And did I mention Robbie had strep? Yup. I've been taking care of three babies this week. --Are all men babies when they're sick? :)

On another note, let me take a few steps back to the baby. His attitude is something else! I'm excited that he is talking more, but I'm also afraid of what he might say! Lol...I've never had this problem with Vinny. Jacob is very aggressive and is definitely exercising his independence anyway he can. He's becoming more and more picky with his food too. I'm guessing that's part of his attempt to claim his independence? Idk. He is also standing up for himself more (against Vinny), which is good, but at the same time, he tries to do that with Robbie and I too. I wouldn't say it's become unbearable, but it's definitely taken a lot of extra effort to keep Jakey in line! I think I'm gonna have to revisit my "How to deal with a bossy toddler...Like a Boss" post soon! Gotta keep that post on hand. ;)

Anyway, I can say there's one thing that keeps my baby satisfied...Chick-fil-a milkshakes. Lol! Jakey experienced his first Chick-fil-a milkshake tonight (by stealing Vinny's!!):

How could I stay mad at that face?!

Til next time. Wish me luck with these little monsters! :)

10 Things I Want to Teach My Sons About Life

I know you've heard this a million times before, but being a parent really is the hardest job in the world. Here you are one day, having to worry about nobody but yourself, and within a few seconds, you're tasked with bringing another human being in this world and are immediately responsible for them and all their physical and emotional needs, day in and day out. You're responsible for their upbringing, teaching them, leading them--your world really does change forever.

Raising Vinny and Jacob--there are so many things that I want to teach them. There's so much that I can teach them, but there's also so much that they'll have to learn on their own. This is NOT by any means my entire list, or even my "top ten." These are just some of the most important things (on the top of my mind) that I want to teach my sons about life.

1. Be careful who you surround yourself with. Influence is one of the most powerful things in this world. Even when you don't feel like you're being influenced, you may be. Be careful who you keep close to you. You don't get to choose everyone who gets to be in your life (like your family), but you do get to choose some people (like your friends). Not everyone will have your best interests at heart. Ask God for the wisdom and clarity to see who belongs in your life and who doesn't, and when you know, protect your heart from those who don't.
2. Not everyone will show you appreciation. There may be many times where you will do great things and never be recognized for it. That's okay. Learn to be humble, and remember there's a greater power that sees everything you do. Do not let yourself become dependent on appreciation from other people. Learn to strengthen your inner voice and know that simply just doing good is enough, even if nobody tells you. Furthermore, not hearing appreciation from someone should not stop you from showing appreciation to those that do right by you. Show yours when you can. People will remember that about you.
3. Always try to bring something to the table. Whether it's "putting food on the table" for your family, or interviewing for a job, or meeting with a friend...bring value. If you have a family, take care of them. Not just your kids, but your wife as well. Make sure their physical and emotional needs are met, just like how you were raised as a kid. If you're interviewing for a job, know what makes you stand out and learn how to communicate that. If you're meeting with someone--your manager, an old friend, a new friend, a business partner, your girlfriend's parents--be there, be on time, and be present. Learn how to hold a good conversation. Learn a few good jokes. Share a good idea, or your opinions on something. You have so much personality and drive already (yes, I can see it in my 1 and 4 year olds!), don't hide it.
4. Just because you can doesn't mean you should. There's a lot of things that you will be able to do. Don't do them all. PLEASE don't do them all!! You're going to be curious, but remember--sometimes your "need to know" is really a "WANT to know." I'm all for letting you explore--be a kid, be a teenager, be a young adult in college. Go do your thing...but know your limits and boundaries and know when and what you shouldn't do. This goes for the way you treat people as well. You may end up being a really wealthy and powerful CEO one day! It doesn't matter how high on the totem pole you end up at. Never abuse your power. Always treat people with respect, and you will be respected. And at the end of the day, just do what's right. Trust me, you'll sleep better at night.
5. Perception is reality. People don't always receive your message in the way that you thought you were communicating it. Your intentions may be good, but your messaging may not make them look that way. Always, always, always remember that not everyone thinks the same as you. Learn people. Especially the ones that you want to keep close to you. Learn what makes them happy and what makes them tick. Learn how they understand things. Keep in mind that their perception of what you said IS their reality. That way, you'll know how to communicate with them clearly and effectively.
6. Be good to others, but also be good to yourself. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Be nice, be helpful, be humble. But also be tough. Don't let anyone take advantage of you and your niceness. Sometimes the people who hurt you most are the closest ones to you. I can only hope and pray you'll be able to see through all the bad people in your life, but unfortunately, that's something you'll have to learn on your own. You may have to get burned a few times before you can see the truth about some people. And that's okay. Learn from those situations, and learn to let those kind of people go. And more importantly, learn to defend yourself. There are ways to tell people how they have done you wrong. With some, hearing it from someone important to them may actually help them change and make your relationship with them even more valuable. Do what you can.
7. Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better. One of my all time favorite quotes from Maya Angelou. This one explains itself. 
8. Only focus on what you can control. My good friend Kim taught me this and it's dramatically changed the way I've thought about and reacted to things. You can't change a person or situation. You can influence them and share your opinions, but you ultimately cannot change anyone. Don't let it stress you out. Sometimes, when you really care about someone, you're going to do all you can to make it work. At least I hope you do. But when that person isn't willing to change themselves or their situation, don't carry their burdens for them. ONLY think about the things you can do to make things better and do just that. In any kind of relationship--whether it's love or friendship--it takes two to make it work. Do your part, and allow them to do theirs. That may require some patience. Which brings me to my next point...
9. Be patient. Your dreams and desires won't come knocking on your front door. You'll have to work very hard for them. And let's say you live in some perfect world and they actually do come knocking on your front door...you'll likely have to work very hard to maintain them. Nothing in life comes easy. And honestly, good things feel better when they're earned anyway. Learn patience. But don't slack off. Keep at it, stay with good people, and you'll eventually get to where you want to be.
10. Don't focus on finding the right woman. Focus on being a good man...and the right woman will be easy to find or will even find you! Love and relationships are likely going to be a big part of your life. We humans like that stuff. I'm a firm believer that there's a somebody for everybody. Live your life with strong values, do good in school, be good to people, fulfill your dreams, stay close to your family, stay close to God...and when the right woman comes your way, you'll know. And your mommy will know too. ;)

 XOXO,

40 Things to Do on a Snow Day

It's snowing!! ....And it will be all day....nonstop.....yayyyy.

Okay, okay. I admit it. I love snow days just as much as the next kid. No, it's not because I get to work from home and get to play with my kids in the snow during my lunch break, then come in for hot chocolate, warm fuzzy socks, and work from my laptop while I'm under my cozy comforters watching TV marathons and movies for the rest of the day. . . . okay, yeah it is. :)

One of the best things about living in the mid/north east coast is that you get to enjoy every season (for at least 3 months at a time). But as much as I love being snowed in with my fam, a big part of me surely hopes that this is the LAST snow storm of the season! The back breaking shoveling and scraping ice off your car will end the fun for ya, that's for sure.

Anywho, this snow day has inspired me to think up a long list of things that you can do while you're snowed in (or...when you're bored.). Enjoy!!

1. Cook up a dish using a recipe that you've been wanting to try but never had the time to do.
2. Clean your house. Better yet. Deep clean your house.
3. Read that book that's been sitting by your bed waiting to be picked up. Oh wait--is that just me?
4. Go outside and build a snowman. (Queue song from "Frozen": "Do You Want to Build a Snowmaaan?" )
5. Plan a vacation. To someplace warm!!
6. Organize your closet.
7. Sell some clothes. Why wait for "spring cleaning?" You're stuck in your house. Go make some money!
8. Start watching a show from Season 1, Episode 1, and don't stop until you're all caught up.
9. Paint a picture.
10. Shop online. Be careful, this can get dangerous.
11. Make a short film! My uncle used to do this with me and my cousins when we were kids. Soo much fun and soo funny!!
12. Play a board game.
13. SLEEP.
14. Learn a magic trick.
15. Call at least 5 people that you haven't spoken to in the last 3-6 months.
16. Do the things that have been sitting on your to-do list. Or your honey-do list. ;)
17. Paint your nails and try your hand at nail art.
18. Clean out your car.
19. Meal prep. For the next whole week!
20. Work out.
21. Take a bubble bath. Simply because you have the time!
22. Go outside and take some creative pictures.
23. Try to copy Chick-Fil-A's fried chicken batter recipe.
24. Go to a friend or family member's house and get snowed in with them!
25. Teach your dog a new trick. If you don't have a dog, teach your kid a new trick something new. If you don't have a kid, teach yourself!
26. Mix up a new drink.
27. Do your taxes.
28. Scrapbooking!
29. Learn how to play chess.
30. Become better at poker. (Queue song: "Poker Face" by Lady Gaga)
31. Play Charades. Ever played the iPhone Charades app? Funniest. Game. Ever.
32. Paint in the snow with food coloring! I got that idea from another blog. The idea is to put food coloring and water into squirt bottles and have at it! Great idea for the kids.
33. Pick a room then rearrange it.
34. Offer to shovel one of your neighbors driveways. Cuter if the kids do it. But if you're an adult and you do it, don't charge anything. C'mon, pay it forward.
35. Learn how to dribble between your legs. LOL okay this is just something I tried to learn to do today. But thought I'd share in case anyone else thinks it's a great idea. Ha! :p
36. Sing karaoke!
37. Learn to play an instrument.
38. Dance!
39. Watch all videos of R. Kelly's Trapped In The Closet series. Or any other movie series for that matter.
40. Play dress up with your kids!

Or better yet--ready every post in my blog! :) For those of you that are snowed in like me, I hope you're enjoying your snow day and staying warm. Don't forget the number one rule of playing in the snow: Don't eat yellow snow!!

Dinner Date and Christian Grey

Happy Valentines Day!! It's been one crazy fun week celebrating my birthday and then Valentines Day, and I have to say, this year was one of the best! The highlight of the week:

• Christian Grey I mean Robbie and I had a successful date night last night--dinner and 50 Shades of Grey! :p

We had dinner at Ten Ten American Bistro. I had the Bourbon-glazed Salmon on top of a bed of spinach and sweet potato and bacon hash. Robbie had the short ribs and mashed potatoes (not pictured). SO GOOD. See the mouth-watering pictures below:

    

After dinner we ended the night at the movies to watch the premiere of 50 Shades of Grey, and Robbie did not know what he was getting into. LOL I kinda dragged him with me...literally. Anyway, here's my review and I'll try not to spoil it for anyone. I loved it, however I thought they could've done a little better telling the story. First and foremost--the actors did a phenomenal job, especially Dakota Johnson, the actress who played Ana. I had major doubts, as most people did, before the movie's release, but I thought she most definitely portrayed Ana very well. Jamie Dornan on the other hand, he played the stark, dark, character of Christian Grey well, but I was waiting for him to be a little more flirtatious. I remember specifically in the book Christian would comment on how "charm is everything," and Jamie didn't quite capture that for me. Lastly I would add that the movie did stay pretty close to the book when it came down to script and scenes, but they didn't tell the story like the book did (from Ana's perspective). I thought it would've been good to have Ana narrate through the movie as she did in the book. That's essentially how I fell in love with Christian in the book anyway--seeing him through her eyes. The movie didn't quite capture that, and I think if I saw the movie without reading the book first, I'd see Christian and this crazy psycho who loves kinky sex, and that's not what the book portrays at all. Well, at least not all the time. WITH THAT SAID...The movie was pretty much based on the first book, and I know that in the books there's much much more to the story and the movie, and Christian's personality does show alot more in the next part of the series, so I am anxious to see the next 50 shades movie!! 

Hope you all have a great Valentine's Day and President's Day weekend!!