Dealing with a Bossy Toddler...Like A Boss.

These terrible twos are coming up FAST, and if it's one thing I learned, my second child is NOTHING like my first! Jacob is bossy, bossy, bossy. To his defense, Vinny has snatched things and tried to bully him around since he was born, so he kinda earned the right to defend himself. At the same time, he should still know that wrong is wrong. This is as much of a learning curve for me as it is for him! Vinny was never this bossy/demanding/aggressive. LOL

Here are a few things that have worked for me when dealing with "Master Jakey." :p

1. Give them a few options. This worked for Vinny too, when he was exploring his independence. Instead of telling him what to eat or what to play with or what to do, I gave him options. A FEW options--so as not to overwhelm the little 1-2 year old. For instance, if Jacob sees Vinny eating chips (or something I don't want him to eat), and he demands to have some, I'll say no, then offer him one of his snacks (i.e. animal crackers or a granola bar--or yogurt--I always win with yogurt!) This way, I'll get him to eat something else that I approve of, and he still gets to exercise some independence by choosing what he wants.
2. Paying less attention.  I know the struggle all too well--you get so used to coddling and nurturing their every need when they are infants, that making the transition to not giving into their every cry is instantly the hardest thing in the world. Jakey is the baby of the family, and he gets all kinds of attention from everyone and their mother. Literally. I will admit, I smother him with kisses and give him all the attention in the world sometimes. My bad!! But paying less attention when he's making his demands works! I make every effort to make sure he knows he will be taken care of, but I also have to remind him that I'm the parent and he needs to listen to me when I say no. So when he cries, screams, and throws a fit, keeping my composure and ignoring his attitude works for me. Even with Vinny, I let him know that I will not be talking about it with him while he is throwing a fit, and if he needs some time to calm down, he can go to his room and we'll talk when he gets himself together. With Jacob, it's a little harder since he's younger, but he still gets the hint. I found that if you don't respond to their attitude, it is less likely they will continue to have one.
3. Teach them how to ask politely. Personally, I think that it's never too early for this! All toddlers want to do is learn things...they are sponges with everything, so this is the best time to teach them what they need to know. Acknowledge that it's not good to yell or demand things, then teach them how to ask for it politely. If they have an older sibling, you could use them to help teach the little one. For example, when teaching Jakey to say "Please" to ask for things, I'll have Vinny do it first, praise Vinny, then tell Jakey it's his turn, then praise him once he does it. Works every time. Consistency is everything with toddlers, so now that I started him with saying please, I can't stop. Like I said, they are constantly learning, so the minute he learns he can do something the wrong way, he will.
4. Teach healthy competition. Having a bossy toddler makes playing with the kids a little harder. I am constantly intercepting conversations and interactions between my two kids because one of them isn't getting their way. That's normal, I know. But sometimes it gets a little excessive. This one may be for when the baby gets a little bit older, but I'm trying to find creative ways to teach healthy competition. A good friend of mine suggested weekly game night, which I think is a great idea. For Vinny, he's controlling in the sense that he always has to win, and when he doesn't, you'll hear about it for days. What helped him was playing games where everyone was on the same playing field. He did this mainly at school, but I started playing games with him at home so I could help reinforce fairness and to teach him how to deal with losing. In doing this, he also realized very quickly that he can't always get his way.
5. Teach them to give. One of the things Jacob struggles with is taking toys from other kids. Then he gets mad when they snatch it back. We make him give it back every time, even if the other kid doesn't want it anymore. Again, consistency is the big thing here. He needs to know that it's not good to take things whenever he wants it, and how to fix the situation if he did.

Of course the best thing you can do for your bossy child is to show them proper behavior in all things. Do you always shout demands or do you say please and thank you as well? The adults and older siblings in the household are their biggest teachers.

I also believe that a bossy child has the potential to be a great leader. I think their assertiveness and aggressiveness can lead to a successful adulthood, but will be best used and appreciated if they use those traits in a positive manner. I really value the younger years and I think this is best time to teach children these values.

What are some techniques that work for you? I'd love to hear other things I can try with Boss Man Jakey! :)